My roommate was nice enough to lend his testosterone dripping ride for transportation. There was a close call on the freeway, we almost had the fame we desire. Almost.
Signs help get bodies in the door. This sign reads: See the world famous Shiteasters enact the ancient creation myth Prometheus & Pandora in a manner so dark, craven, perverse, and taboo it took God, Einstein, and Disco to unlock it.	ç
	There she is. Sturdy as can be.
Crystal lite is a meat filled billboard for the punk rock conceptualism we bring.
	Imagine this, but in the dark. Flash photos were encouraged, affecting the stars of the play like roses tossed on stage.
Say what you will about phototheremins, ancient lore, the hatebox, our uniforms, or the shiteasters in general. The real star that night was my facial hair. Neptune enacts his vengence!
	The hand of god destroying mankind. Imagine Speilberg's War of the Worlds, but thoughtful, entertaining, and less enraging.
Look how modular we made it! It only takes a box of tools to deconstruct after every performance. We're in talks with Ikea for a home version.

Our playbill handout, so you can follow along:

Prometheus & Pandora
A tale of accidental apocalypse

Before there were things there was Chaos, a dark seething mass comprised of the seeds of the universe. In this dark cloud, the churning currents of atrophy mixed soil with air, sound with light, water with rock. None could be removed from the other for all were one in the same. After eons of centrifugal madness, order began to prevail. Earth sank to the bottom, water filling in its cracks, air rose to the top, and heaven above it. As the molten universe began to take shape, the heat rose up and created the sun, bringing light to the infant lands and marking the beginning of our tale.
The gods, seeing the glory that was Earth, thought it necessary to create a beast worthy of its grandeur. To Prometheus and his brother Epimetheus, two powerful Titans, was appointed the office of making man, and providing him and all other animals with the faculties necessary for their survival. Epimetheus dug through his box of attributes, giving courage to the lion, flexibility to the tree, and swiftness to the hare. When it came time to provide for Man, Epimetheus found that he had emptied his box of all worthy attributes. Prometheus, nervous about his little brother's uncharacteristic oversight, skulked into heaven and lit his torch on the ball of the sun, stealing fire for man. With this mighty tool, man could forge plows and axes, free himself from the tyranny of the climate, and cast the coins that would be the cornerstone of commerce.
When word of Promethius¹ gift to Man reached Jupiter, the god was enraged. Holy powers had no place in the hands of mortals. To complicate and frustrate the lives of Men for accepting such a gift, he created Woman and bestowed her with great beauty, persuasion, and curiosity. The first woman was Pandora, and true to her traits she was confoundingly, distractingly beautiful to this young world of Men. One day, while wandering about the fresh Eden of earth, Pandora happened across Epimetheus' old box of attributes. Although Epimetheus had already drained this box of worthy, beneficial traits it still felt heavy in her arms, so she opened it to see what was within. Out poured sorrow and hate, malice and envy, gout and myopia, incontinence and obesity. All the traits deemed unfit for the creatures of earth were loosed upon them, leaving one scrap of an attribute clinging to the bottom of the box: hope.
Man, now equipped with fire AND competitive ill will, began to evolve into races and nations. At first, the era of the Golden Age continued; Man lived side by side with nature and Truth and Righteousness prevailed. But he soon fell into the Silver age. The weather cleaved into 4 quarters, one being bitter cold, another balmy hot. Then came the Brazen age, when man began to forge arms for crime and self gain. The world quickly collapsed to the Iron Age, a time of war, wicked crimes, and malice.
The gods could not believe what had happened to their sacred creation. The decision was made to reset the parameters, ridding the Universe of this horrid breed and cultivating a new one. Jupiter loosed bolts of lightening, setting the trees ablaze. Neptune, not to be outdone, caused the seas to rise and flooded all of civilization under his churning seas. Only two humans survived, clinging to the highest peak of the highest mountain.

© The Shiteasters 2005.

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